


Solace

by DJBunn3



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Friendship, Multi, one-sided, post shironeki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 01:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6931609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJBunn3/pseuds/DJBunn3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solace - comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> So, basically, this is set in a canon divergence AU where Touka and Hide become friends after Kaneki disappears. Hope you enjoy.  
> Also, I entered this in a local fanfiction contest and it got an honorable mention, which is huge for me because I'm not a good writer XD.

“What about him?” Touka asks, pointing across the campus to a black-haired boy with his nose buried in a book. Hide squints a little and shakes his head.  
“He’s reading Ayumi Kiyomasa. Kaneki wouldn’t be caught dead reading one of her books,” he replies. “Too cliche.”  
“It’s a Kamii freshman reading a book. Look, he even _looks_ like Kaneki,” she argues, folding her arms over her chest. “You’re not gonna come that close again.”  
“Touka,” Hide says, catching her eye. “You know it’s not that easy.”  
Touka holds his gaze for a second, before her eyes drop to the ground. “I know,” she replies. “I just thought it would be a little easier than impossible.”  
Hide folds his hands behind his head and closes his eyes. “It’s never easy to replace someone.”  
“I know that, idiot,” she mumbles.  
“Why did you even drag me out here? Don’t you have work?”  
Touka sighs. “Actually, I believe it was _you_ who called me out here,” she says.  
“I thought you might need some cheering up.”  
“And I thought I made it clear that Kaneki and I were barely even friends.”  
“Are.”  
Touka stares blankly at him. “Huh?”  
“You said ‘Kaneki and I _were_ barely even friends,” Hide explains. “That’s wrong.”  
Touka closes her eyes, clearly not ready to argue with him on this one. She’s already tried, and Hide refuses to relent. Still, he pushes on as if she doesn’t have a choice; they’re arguing anyway.  
“You’re wrong, you know.”  
Silence.  
“He’s just _missing_ , Touka,” Hide says. “That doesn’t mean anything.”  
“And just how long has he been missing?” she snaps back. “How much longer is he gonna be missing? How much longer until he comes back?”  
“How would I know? You’ve spent more time with him than I have, lately,” Hide replies, looking up.  
“What the hell? What’s that supposed to mean?”  
Hide shoves his hands deep into his pockets, stretching the fabric of his hoodie to a point where Touka doubts that it will ever go back. Elasticity broken.  
“Let’s go,” he says, and Touka doesn’t argue.

* * *

Touka remembers when Kaneki started coming to Anteiku, chasing after Rize. Quickly becoming a regular, visiting once, or even twice a day in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the woman he was quickly falling for. Glancing up in excitement every time the door opened, and sighing with dismay every time it wasn’t Rize. Staring at her with unconcealed affection as he quietly sipped a cup of coffee.  
Unaware of the darker world beneath the cafe.  
She remembers refusing to help him when he had first become a ghoul, until the manager had reminded her of the cafe’s policy: ghouls help each other.  
The manager had asked her to train Kaneki, and she hadn’t been in a position to say no.  
She’d taught to live, taught him to fight, and in turn he had made her a better person. His human instincts often overpowered that of the artificial ghoul organs inside him, and the sense of humanity had almost rubbed off on her. His sense of ethics had been much better than hers, which was twisted by the fury of unfairness. He still behaved like a human, even though he wasn’t anymore, and it had inspired her.

* * *

“It’s too cold out,” Hide complains, their earlier spat all but forgotten.  
“Bring a warmer coat next time,” Touka replies. The two of them trudge along in silence until they reach Anteiku, where they’re greeted with a gust of warm air and friendly greetings from Koma and Irmi.  
“Let’s grab a table,” she says, heading towards one at the back and flopping down.  
Hide stares down at the beaten up manga in his hands. “Kaneki wouldn’t approve,” he says wistfully, fanning through the pages.  
“Don’t you think you need to move on?” Touka asks.  
“I could say the same to you,” the blonde replies.  
“Fair,” she says, waving Nishiki away as he approaches with a serving platter. “But I think Kaneki would want you to live your life.”  
“You’re just proving my point.” Hide smiles at her. “What about your life?”  
Touka grimaces. “What life? Waiting tables all day? Anyway, you knew him for much longer than I did.”  
“That’s why I know he wouldn’t want you throwing your life away,” Hide says, and Touka’s heart sinks when she realizes he’s right. Despite only knowing each other for a few months, she’d secretly gotten fond of Kaneki and his endless. Sure, he was (is?) helpless and weak, and pretty annoying, but he also made (makes?) her feel cared about, more than her parents or the other Anteiku staff, or her idiot of a brother Ayato.  
“I’m glad I decided to talk to you,” she says finally.  
“Me too,” Hide agrees. “Rabbits die of loneliness, you know.”  
Touka’s heart aches, remembering Kaneki quote those very same words from the very same boy sitting in front of her now.

* * *

“Do you have to get back to work?”  
“No.” She shakes her head. “Yomo’s here. I’m fine.”  
“Are you sure?” Hide asks. “Because I can come back another time.”  
“The manager offered me a day off and I took it,” Touka replies. “And since Kaneki’s gone, I don’t have anyone else to talk to.”  
“Is that where I come in?”  
“Pretty much.”  
“I feel so special,” he comments dryly. Then, sliding his elbow forward on the table and propping his head on his hand, he adds, “So, you talked to Kaneki a lot?”  
Touka glares at him. “That’s not what I meant.”  
“Nah, I know how it is. He did most of the talking, right? You just listened?”  
Tracing patterns in the water beading on the outside of her mug, Touka considers lying. Hide’s not wrong about Kaneki spending more time at Anteiku than being out with him, but she knows he won’t hold it against her.  
“Okay, maybe we did talk a lot. It’s not like I could help it. The manager made me train him to be a waiter. You saw how hopeless he was at first,” she says, too quickly and much less convincingly than she’d have liked.  
“Yeah,” Hide agrees. “He really is.”  
Touka sighs. “It’s getting late, isn’t it? We should get going if we don’t want to freeze to death.”  
“Sure,” he agrees, stretching.”Let me visit Hinami before I leave, okay?”  
Touka relents easily, her coffee forgotten. “I’ll just get my stuff.”

* * *

Touka remembers Hide, remembers the loud, energetic boy with the megawatt smile. She remembers watching the boys joke and tease each other before Rize entered and Kaneki, inevitably and predictably, started daydreaming again. She remembers the fond gaze on Hide’s face as he talked to his best friend. Soft glances turned to friendly ones in her mind. Excess contact had been processed as overbearing friendliness.  
She’d written the softness off as nothing, and written him off as nothing as well, but something in the back of her mind catalogued his actions, as if her subconscious just needed enough data to present the proof. Wavering smiles as Kaneki gushed about Rize. Extra attention paid to his hands. Teasing remarks almost bursting with affection.  
Really, she always knew.

* * *

Touka points to a boy across the street with glasses and gray eyes, walking out of a movie theater with his arm around a short girl. “What about him?” she asks, repeating her earlier words.  
“Touka, no,” Hide says, shaking his head. “Kaneki is not that confident.”  
“Anyone who met him for five minutes would know that!” she snaps.  
“Can’t you just find him and bring him back?” He sighs, and for the first time since they’ve met up she sees the dark bags under his eyes, the weariness behind them. “The old Kaneki, the one who didn’t keep secrets.”  
“Kaneki doesn’t keep secrets,” Touka argues. “He just leaves parts out.”  
“Isn’t that the same thing?” Hide asks. She doesn’t have an answer for that.  
“Hinami will be excited to see you,” she says instead. “She’s gotten really attached to you since you started visiting.”  
“That’s good,” he says. “I hope I can keep coming.”  
“What do you mean?”  
Bending the cover of his manga back and forth, Hide sighs again. “Touka, I… took a job at the CCG.”  
“You… What do you mean?” she asks again.  
“I know I won’t be able to hang out as much, and it’ll put Anteiku at risk if I keep visiting, but… I have to find him.”  
Anger wells inside Touka’s stomach, twisting itself into a knot. “You know?”  
“That Kaneki’s a ghoul?” Hide shrugs. “Yeah. I knew a while ago.”  
“Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t-”  
“I didn’t want to pry. He’ll tell me when he’s ready,” he explains. “That’s what I always thought. But I-”  
“I can’t believe you didn’t say anything this whole time!” Touka yells. “And you know about Anteiku and Hinami and me?”  
“Of course.”  
“And your idea of finding Kaneki is through the _Commission of Counter Ghoul?_ ” she continues. “The ones who want to _kill_ him?!”  
“I’ll find him and I’ll bring him home,” Hide replies, determination evident in his voice. “Otherwise, what hope do we have of seeing him again?”  
“But he’s not just missing, Hide. He’s in hiding because the CCG wants to to capture him.”  
“What do you suggest we do, then? Wait for him? Give up on him?”  
“Whatever! It beats getting him killed,” Touka snaps. “Kaneki’s not that selfish.”  
“Well maybe I am.” Hide smiles gently. “I can do it, Touka. Trust me. I know I’m not a ghoul like you, but I know Kaneki better than anyone.”  
Touka’s face hardens. “What the hell is with you? Why are you doing this?”  
“The same reason that you aren’t,” he replies. “Touka, you want to protect him… because you love him, right?”  
Shocked, Touka stares back at him.  
“... Hide, I- You don’t-”  
“That’s why I have to bring him back home.” Hide smiles. “For both of us.”

* * *

Touka didn’t want to think about Hide’s feelings. He was human: unimportant and insignificant. A threat to her kind. But…  
Hide had watched Kaneki like Kaneki watched Rize. Touka had watched them both with disgust. _Humans,_ she’d thought, _are so readable_. Kaneki’s obvious endearment with Rize had nauseated her, but his friend had been easily forgotten (or pushed to the back of her mind). She’d never seen Hide as someone who could fall in love.  
Is it too late to apologize?

* * *

“You can’t see Hinami anymore,” Touka says, throat tight.  
“I’ll keep my distance.”  
“You can’t come to Anteiku anymore. You can’t talk to me or Nishiki or Kimi anymore. You have to stay away from us.”  
“I will.”  
A cold tear slides down her cheek. “If I see you so much as glance at any one of us, I’ll kill you.”  
“It’ll be like we never met,” he replies, stepping forward to wipe the tear away. “Please don’t cry, Touka. I’ll protect everyone.”  
_He sounds like Kaneki,_ she thinks. “Idiot.”  
Hide leans down to kiss her cheek. “I’ll bring him back.”  
And with that, he turns and leaves.

* * *

“Where’s onii-chan?” Hinami asks when she comes back. “I thought he was visiting today.”  
Touka rubs vigorously at her eyes. “Hina, Hide won’t be visiting us anymore.”  
“Why not? Are you okay, onee-chan? What happened?”  
Sighing, Touka gives Hinami a soft pat on the head. “He’s going away. We won’t be seeing him around anymore.”  
“You didn’t hurt him, did you?” Hinami asks, slightly panicked.  
“I didn’t, Hina. But I told him to stay away.”  
Hinami’s eyes gloss over. “Why would you say that?”  
“It doesn’t matter. He won’t be coming back.” Touka feigns a yawn. “I’m tired; I’m gonna go to bed, okay?”  
The younger ghoul relents, wandering back to her room. Touka collapses onto her bed, exhausted.  
_I did what I had to, to protect Anteiku,_ she thinks. _Does that make me like Kaneki, too?_  
But somehow she knows it doesn’t. Because she protected Anteiku.  
But she didn’t protect Hide.


End file.
